I Miss Us
“Just feeling sad tonight. I wish my husband knew how much I miss how our relationship used to be. He gets home and just wants to relax or go to bed. We barely have sex once a month and haven’t even been married two years yet. Idk what or why this is happening. I just feel so lonely and unwanted. I try to distract myself with our little girl, but I miss him. I miss how we used to be.”⠀
When I read this my heart just went out to her. Have you been there? So many of us have.
She said, “I’ve tried everything and nothing seems to work 😕 . . . sometimes I wonder if he is seeing someone, but I’ve gone through his phone and calls. I haven’t seen anything. I’m scared. . . .Can a toxic relationship or an unhappy one cause a man to just lose his sexuality?”⠀⠀⠀⠀
Totally. Sexuality is totally impacted by connection. And age. And health (physical and mental).⠀⠀
The excruciating part is not-knowing. Is it you? Is it him?
How are you supposed to fix the thing he won’t say? Why would he shut you out⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
Maybe it’s too painful for him to admit to you. Maybe it’s too painful for him to admit to himself.⠀⠀
It’s that shame thing that can rule our lives.⠀⠀⠀
Humans are all so afraid there’s something wrong with us. 💚 And we’re so afraid of losing love that we will pre-emptively stop someone from getting close, so they don’t reject us later. We create the thing we’re afraid of.
“Shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we are flawed,” said Brené Brown,”and therefore unworthy of love and belonging.”⠀⠀⠀
Of course, you can buckle-down and do your meditation and love yourself, but you know what creates safety faster? It’s connection.⠀
It’s talking about the thing you’re hiding and having him reassure you, “you are my person—I love you—I’m so glad you told me. We are going to figure this out together. I am here for you.” 😍⠀
Join me for LASTING CONNECTION starting Sunday, July 19th at 11:00am Pacific Time, a five-part online series.
July 19 – Aug 16.⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀